album: "Awake" (1994)

album: "Awake" (1994)

1. 6:00

[Samples from the film "The Dead", an adaptation of James Joyce's short story from his book]

"Six o'clock on a Christmas morning..."
"And for what?"
"Well, isn't it for the honor of God, Aunt Kate?"
"I know all about the honor of God, Mary Jane."

Six o'clock the siren kicks him from a dream
Tries to shake it off but it just won't stop
Can't find the strength but he's got promises to keep
And wood to chop before he sleeps

I may never get over
but never's better than now
I've got bases to cover

He's in the parking lot and he's just sitting in his car
It's nine o'clock but he can't get out
He lights a cigarette
and turns the music down
but just can't seem to shake that sound

Once I thought I'd get over
but it's too late for me now
I've got bases to cover

Melody walks through the door
and memory flies out the window
and nobody knows what they want
'til they finally let it all go

The pain inside
coming outside

So many ways to drown a man
So many ways to drag him down
Some are fast and some take years and years
Can't hear what he's saying when he's talking in his sleep
He finally found the sound but he's in too deep

I could never get over
Is it too late for me now?
Feel like blowing my cover

Melody walks through the door
and memory flies out the window
and nobody knows what they want
'til they finally let it all go

But don't cut your losses too soon
'cause you'll only be cutting your throat
And answer a call while you still hear at all
'cause nobody will if you won't

[Samples from the film "The Dead", an adaptation of James Joyce's short story from his book]
"Six o'clock on a Christmas morning..."
"I know all about the honor of God, Mary..."
"I know all about the honor of God, Mary Jane."

2. Caught In A Web

Silence disguised
I watch you
Show me the hurt
that haunts you
would you despise the thrill
If all you hide were mine?

I can't hold on any longer
These feelings keep growing stronger
Echoes that deafen the mind
will bury my voice in their wake

Caught in a Web
Removed from the world
Hanging on by a thread
Spinning the lies
devised in my head
Caught in a Web refused by the world
Hanging on by a thread
Spinning a cage denied and misread

I've seen the path
the one you take
shows the truth
for you to make
This turn of phrase
we might not see
is the thirst of desire
found so easily

Try to push me 'round
the world some more
And make me live in fear
I bare all that I am
made of now
Attractive I don't care
'Cause even when I danced with life
no one was there to share

Does this voice the wounds of your soul?
Does this voice the wounds of your soul?

Caught in a Web
Removed from the world
Hanging on by a thread
Spinning the lies
devised in my head

Tried to live the life
you live and saw
It doesn't work for me
I bare all that I am
made of now
Attractive, I can't be
Inside the Dance of Life is one
I'll never hold to me

You can't heal the wounds of my soul.
You can't heal the wounds of my soul.

Caught in a Web
Removed from the world
Hanging on by a thread
Spinning the lies
devised in my head

Caught in a Web
Refused by the world
Hanging on by a thread
Spinning a cage
Denied and misread

3. Innocence Faded

Animation
breathes a cloudless mind
Fascination
leaves the doubting blind
Until the circle breaks and wisdom lies ahead
the faithful live Awake
the rest remain misled

Some will transcend spinning years
One as if time disappears

Innocence faded
the mirror falls behind you
Trinity jaded
I break down walls to find you

Callow and vain
fixed like a fossil, shrouding pain
Passionless stage
Distant like brothers
Wearing apathetic displays
Sharing flesh like envy in cages
Condescending
Not intending to end

Some will transcend spinning years
One as if time disappears

Innocence faded
the mirror falls behind you
Trinity jaded
I break down walls to find you

Beginnings get complicated
the farther we progress
Opinions are calculated
Immune to openness

Beyond the circle's edge
We're driven by her blessings
Forever hesitating
Caught beneath the wheel

Innocence faded
the mirror falls behind you
Cynically jaded
The child will crawl to find you.

4. Erotomania

[Instrumental]

5. Voices

'Love, just don't stare'
He used to say to me
every Sunday morning
The spider in the window
The angel in the pool
The old man takes the poison
Now the widow makes the rules

'So speak, I'm right here'
She used to say to me
not a word, not a word
Judas on the ceiling
the Devil in my bed
I guess Easter's never coming
So I'll just wait inside my head

Like a scream but sort of silent
living off my nightmares

Voices repeating me
'Feeling threatened?
We reflect your hopes and fears.'
Voices discussing me
'Others steal your thoughts
they're not confined
within your mind.'

Thought disorder
Dream control
Now they read my mind on the radio
But where was the Garden of Eden?

I feel elated
I feel depressed
Sex is death, Death is sex
Says it right here on my Crucifix

Like a scream but sort of silent
living off my nightmares

Voices protecting me
'Good behavior
brings the Savior
to his knees.'
Voices rejecting me
'Others steal your thoughts
they're not confined
to your own mind.'

[Dialogue by rap artist Prix-mo reading from the book "Cultural Revolution".]
"I don't wanna be here, 'cause of my
suffering, 'cause of my illness.
Only love is worth having, only
love is what matters, loving every
people on equal terms. "
"You've got to know who you're
dealin' with because, like a stranger,
a-heh, just might come in through
here with a gun... and then, what
would you do? (Heh.)"
"Everything is immaterial..."
"'n' you know that reality is immaterial."
"This is not reality..."

I'm kneeling on the floor
staring at the wall
like the spider in the window
I wish that I could speak
Is there fantasy in refuge?
God in politicians?
Should I turn on my religion?
These demons in my head tell me to

I'm lying here in bed
Swear my skin is inside out
Just another Sunday morning

Seen my diary on the newsstand
Seems we've lost the truth to quicksand
It's a shame no one is praying
'Cause these voices in my head
keep saying...

'Love, just don't stare.'
'Reveal the Word when you're
supposed to'
Withdrawn and introverted
Infectiously perverted
'Being laughed at and confused
keeps us pleasantly amused
enough to stay.'

Maybe I'm just Cassandra fleeting
Twentieth century Icon bleeding
Willing to risk Salvation
to escape from isolation

I'm witness to redemption
heard you speak but never listened
Can you rid me of my secrets?
Deliver us from Darkness?

Voices repeating me
'Feeling threatened?
We reflect your hopes and fears.'
Voices discussing me
Don't expect your own Messiah
This neverworld which you desire
is only in your mind.

6. The Silent Man

A question well served,
'Is silence like a fever?'
'A voice never heard?'
'Or a message with no receiver?'

Pray they won't ask
Behind the stained glass
There's always one more mask

Has man been a victim
of his woman, of his father?
if he elects not to bother,
will he suffocate their faith?

Desperate to fall
Behind the Great Wall
That separates us all

When there is reason
Tonight I'm Awake
when there's no answer
Arrive the Silent Man

If there is balance
tonight He's Awake
If they have to suffer
There lies the Silent Man

Sin without deceivers
A God with no believers
I could sail by
on the Winds of Silence
And maybe they won't notice
But this time I think
It'd be better if I swim

When there is reason
Tonight I'm Awake
When there's no answer
Arrive the Silent Man
If there is balance
Tonight he's Awake
But if they have to suffer
There lies the Silent Man

7. The Mirror

Temptation-
Why won't you leave me alone?
Lurking Every Corner, everywhere I go

Self Control-
Don't turn your back on me now
When I need you the most

Constant pressure tests my will
My will or my won't
My Self Control escapes from me still...

Hypocrite-
How could you be so cruel
and expect my faith in return?

Resistance-
Is not as hard as it seems
When you close the door

I spent so long trusting in you
I trust you forgot
Just when I thought I believed in you...

[Sample is Meryl Streep from the film "Falling In Love".]
"What're you doing?
What're you doing?"

It's time for me to deal
Becoming all too real
living in fear-
Why did you lie and pretend?
This has come to an end
I'll never trust you again
It's time you made your amends
Look in the mirror my friend

[Sample is Jeremy Irons from the film "Damage".]
"That I haven't behaved as I should"
[Sample is Mary Beth Hurt from the film "Light Sleeper".]
"Everything you need is around you. The only danger is inside you."
[Sample is Jeremy Irons from the film "Damage".]
"I thought you could control life, but it's not like that. There are things you can't control."

Let's stare the problem right in the eye
It's plagued me from coast to coast
Racing the clock to please everyone
All but the one who matters the most

Reflections of reality
are slowly coming into view
How in the hell could you possibly forgive me?
After all the hell I put you through

It's time for me to deal
Becoming all too real
living in fear-
Why'd I betray my friend?
Lying until the end
Living life so pretend
It's time to make my amends
I'll never hurt you again

8. Lie

Daybreak
at the bottom of lake
it's a hundred degrees I can't breathe
And I won't get out
'til I figure it out
Though I'm weak like I can't believe
So you tell me 'trust me' l can trust you
Just let me show you
But I gotta work it out in a shadow of doubt
'cause I don't know if I know you

Doing fine but don't waste my time
Tell me what it is you want to say
You sin, you win, just let me in - hurry
I've been out in the rain all day
So you tell me 'trust me' I can trust you
as far as I can throw you
And I'm trying to get out of a shadow of doubt
'cause I don't know if I know you

Don't tell me you wanted me
Don't tell me you thought of me
I won't, I swear I won't
(Did)
I'll try, I swear I'll try
(Lie)

Mother Mary quite contrary
Kiss the boys and make them wary
Things are getting just a little bit scary
It's a wonder I can still breathe

Never been much of a doubting Thomas
but nothing breaks like a broken promise
You tell me 'bout your two more coming
but once is just enough for me

Don't tell me you wanted me
Don't tell me you thought of me
I won't, I swear I won't (did)
I'll try, I swear I'll try (lie)

I had gotten used to being a soul destroyed
She comes in apparently to fill the void
All dogs need a leash and
at least I'll forget it
And she would never hurt me though
she's never said it
But I'm not gonna ask her today
I don't wanna scare her away
Your town, I'm all alone
and I just can't stare at the phone
I wanna talk about lifelong mistakes
and you can tell your stepfather I said so

9. Lifting Shadows Off A Dream

He seems alone and silent
thoughts remain without an answer
Afraid and uninvited
he slowly drifts away

Moved by desire and fear
Breaking delicate wings

Lifting shadows
off a Dream once broken
She can turn a drop of water
Into an ocean

As the rain is pouring down
Tears of sorrow wash his mind
Drifting with the current
This stream of life flows on

He seems alone and silent
waiting on his hands and knees
The chill of winter's darkness sits quietly

Moved by desire and fear
he takes a few steps away

Lifting shadows
off a Dream once broken
She can turn a drop of water
Into an ocean

And she listens openly

He pours his soul into the water
reflecting the mystery
She carries him away
and the winds die slowly

And she listens openly
And she listens openly

Lifting shadows
off a Dream once broken
She can turn a drop of water
Into an ocean

Lifting Shadows off a Dream
Lifting Shadows off a Dream

10. Scarred

To Rise, To Fall.
To Hurt, To Hate.
To Want, To Wait.
To Heal, To Save.

Can't hear it
we fear it
awareness won't come near it

Distractive
Reactive
Disguised in spite of time

I never bared my emotion
My passion always strong
I never lost my devotion
but somewhere fate went wrong

Can't let them rape me again
Your venom's not family here
won't let them fill me with
fatalistic remedies

What if the rest of the world
was hopelessly blinded by fear?
Where would my sanctity live?
Suddenly nobody cares.

It's never enough
You're wasting your time
Isn't there something I could say?
You don't understand
You're closing me out
How can we live our lives this way?

You tell me I'm wrong
I'm risking my life
Still, I have nothing in return
I show you my hands
You don't see the scars
Maybe you'll leave me here to burn.

What if the rest of the world
was hopelessly drowning in vain?
Where would our self pity run?
Suddenly everyone cares.

Blood...Heal me
Fear...Change me
Belief will always save me
Blood...Swearing
Fear...Staring
Conviction made aware

Give up on misery
Turn your back on dissent
Leave their distrust behind
Wash your hands of regret

Do you feel you don't know me anymore?
And do you feel I'm afraid of your love?
And how come you don't want me asking?
And how come my heart's not invited?
You say you want everyone happy
Well, we're not laughing.

And how come you don't understand me?
And how come I don't understand you?
Thirty years say we're in this together
So open your eyes.

People in prayer for me
everyone there for me
Sometimes I feel I should face this alone
My soul exposed
It calms me to know that I won't

Blood...Heal me
Fear...Change me
Belief will always save me
Blood...Swearing
Fear...Staring
Conviction made aware

Give up on misery
Turn your back on dissent
Leave their distrust behind
Wash your hands of regret

Blood...Heal me
Fear...Change me
Belief will always save me
Blood...Swearing
Fear...Staring
Conviction made aware

Learning from misery
Staring back at dissent
Leaving distrust behind
I'm inspired and content

11. Space-Dye Vest

Falling through pages of Martens on angels
Feeling my heart pull west
I saw the future dressed as a stranger
love in a space-dye vest

Love is an act of blood and I'm bleeding
a pool in the shape of a heart
Beauty projection in the reflection
Always the worst way to start

[Sample is Julian Sands from the film "A Room With A View".]
"But he's the sort who can't know
anyone intimately, least of all a
woman. He doesn't know what a woman
is. He wants you for a possession,
something to look at like a painting or an ivory box.
Something to own and to display. He doesn't want you to be real,
or to think or to live. He doesn't love you, but I love you.
I want you to have your own thoughts and ideas and
feelings, even when
I hold you in my arms. It's our last chance... It's our
last chance..."

Now that you're gone I'm trying to take it
Learning to swallow the rage
Found a new girl I think we can make it
as long as she stays on the page

This is not how I want it to end
And I'll never be open again

[Sample from "The Trouble With Evan", from the Canadian series "The Fifth Estate".]
"...I was gonna move out...ummm...get,
get a job, get my own place, ummm,
but... I go into the mall where I
want to work and they tell me, I'm,
I was too young..."

[Sample is Jim Hill from a news commentary about the OJ Simpson freeway chase.]
"Some people, gave advice before,
about facing the facts, about
facing reality. And this is, this
without a doubt, is his biggest
challenge ever. He's going to have to face it.
You're gonna have to try, he's gonna to have to try and,
uh, and, and, and get some help here. I mean no one can
say they know how he feels."

[Sample from the Conan O'Brien show.]
"That, so they say that, in ya know
like, Houston or something, you'd
say it's a hundred and eighty degrees,
but it's a dry heat.
In Houston they say that?
Oh, maybe not. I'm all mixed up.
Dry until they hit the swimming pool."

[Sample from "The Trouble With Evan", from the Canadian series "The Fifth Estate".]
"...I get up with the sun... Listen.
You have your own room to sleep in,
I don't care what you do. I don't
care when. That door gets locked,
that door gets locked at night by nine o'clock.
If you're not in this house by nine o'clock, then you'd
better find some
place to sleep. Because you're not going to be a bum in
this house.
Supper is ready..."

There's no one to take my blame
if they wanted to
There's nothing to keep me sane
and it's all the same to you
There's nowhere to set my aim
so I'm everywhere
Never come near me again
do you really think I need you

I'll never be open again, I could never be open again.
I'll never be open again, I could never be open again.

And I'll smile and I'll learn to pretend
And I'll never be open again
And I'll have no more dreams to defend
And I'll never be open again

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